


Step By Step

by nbarker1990



Category: The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 09:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6799183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbarker1990/pseuds/nbarker1990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s always been Miranda’s and she’s always been Gavin’s, and she’s not sure that this isn’t just her latching onto the first available male. But there it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Step By Step

**Author's Note:**

> #goaheadandbreakmyheart
> 
> (No editing and no checks, but I needed to get these feelings out. Enjoy.)

**_She’s Angry_ **

 

After so many years of tiptoeing around Gavin’s moods, of trying to appease and appeal and please, it feels frightening to be free to do as she wishes. There are boundaries and rules, of course; they have children together and that makes all the difference in the world when it comes to how she’s dealing with things. Her mom says the anger will eventually burn out but if she stokes it with as much tinder as Gavin has provided (apparently he’d only gotten sick of sex with _her_ lately), she kind of thinks it’ll be a big part of her life for years to come.

She’s been sharing a little of this with Blake in the past few days, strangely enough, something she’d never expected and could never have predicted. Coming back onto the set had been a homecoming in many ways but, instead of confiding in Pharrell, a man she looked to for all kinds of guidance and help, she’d found herself knocking on the country musician’s door the day that the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Come here.” His arms had gone around her without a moment of hesitation, all understanding and sympathy and the way his eyes softened when he looked at her. They’d sat in his trailer for a long time that day, talking but mostly just being. At one point she’d curled up against his chest, his jacket keeping her warm, and it had felt like she was teetering on the edge of the forbidden, like this was a moment she shouldn’t be indulging in. Blake had told her about how Miranda hadn’t been much a cuddler and Gwen had explained how it wasn’t the nanny but the boyfriend that had felt like the worst betrayal. He’d laughed then, too aware of how pitiful the comparison was. “You’ve had it rough, sweetheart,” he’d whispered into her hair. “I wish he’d been a better man. For your sake. For mine, I’m glad you’re here.”

That had been the first day she’d wanted to feel her lips on hers.

 

**_He’s Disappointed_ **

 

He knows Gwen’s story in and out by now and he treasures that, how willing she is to be vulnerable with him. Miranda was more stoic, he guesses, trying to prove something all the time. She was soft too, sometimes, of course; everybody is, he reckons, but openness of emotion didn’t define her like it does with his fellow Voice coach. Gwen has a purity of self that frankly staggers him. They’ve taken to sharing their breaks during filming together, usually a few snatched moments in her trailer, and she’s sobbed on his shoulder so many times he’s lost count.

He and Adam like to tease each other about being little girls but it’s a quality he admires, actually, the ability to cry when you want to. Gwen has no barriers when she’s with him and why he finds it so damned endearing, he’s not quite sure.

“I don’t think I love him at all anymore,” she’d said one day, snuggling against his side, a cup of coffee in her small hands. Laughing almost happily, she’d nuzzled into his neck a little and he hadn’t been sure whether her words or her gesture had sent the jolt of pleasure through him. Maybe both.

“That’s healthy,” he’d told her. Clearing his throat, he’d decided to own his story. She’d been gentle with him, never pushy, and he owed her, really. “I had stopped being in love with her awhile before we ended, I think. I mean, I loved her, I did, but when I found out what she’d been doing? I just remember feeling kind of relieved and a fuck lot of disappointment.” She’d taken her hand in hers and maybe she did it on purpose, maybe not, but he appreciated the gesture. “You gotta wonder, really, when you’re in and out of two marriages before forty, and not even a kid to show for it, y’know.”

She’d frowned. “It’s harder with kids, this whole thing. King knows what went down, I think, and I hate how serious he’s gotten. You didn’t do anything wrong with Miranda though, right?”

“Dunno. I don’t think she would’ve stepped out if I’d been better. More supportive, maybe, more present.” It’s something he’d been thinking about a lot, how he’d gotten to become alone all over again. “I wanted kids, Gwen, you know,” he finally admits. “Pretty bad.”

She’d told him she was sorry about that (and it didn’t feel like pity). The very next day, he’d woken up to a video message from Gwen with cameos from all three of her sons.

 

**_She’s Into Him_ **

 

She’d fallen for Gavin right away, had planned out her moves and exactly where she wanted him when they finally reached the bedroom (or a floor or wall or table or anything, really). It hadn’t been a letdown, the sex; her ex-husband had been athletic and enthusiastic and it had just made her want him more. Pity there was more to a man than a body.

It’s different with Blake, and Gwen thinks maybe this bizarre attraction has just crept up on her in a weird sort of way. One day she just finds her fingers itching to undo the top few buttons of his shirt and it shocks her, realizing that actually she doesn’t just like him, she wants him. He’s always been Miranda’s and she’s always been Gavin’s, and she’s not sure that this isn’t just her latching onto the first available male. But there it is.

He laughs and she turns her head to capture the sound, he smiles and she weakens in all her body. She’s always had chemistry with Blake, more than with Adam and maybe more than with Pharrell as well, but it’s been contained, placed in a safe little box. This, whatever it is, doesn’t feel safe.

They’re in her trailer when it finally happens, when his hand tangles in her hair, when her tongue meets his. It’s weird to be kissing someone other than Gavin but it’s exciting too, knowing that, finally, finally she’s going to have good sex again (it would a shame to waste her tastefully decorated, rather comfortable couch…), that it won’t be attached to a fucked up history of cheating and forgiveness and apologies and wanting but not expecting things to ever change.

He tastes of promise.

 

**_He’s In Awe_ **

 

Blake loves strong women, had married two of them, in fact. He’s never, however, met anyone who inspires as much respect and awe in him as Gwen Stefani does. She’s always been slightly apologetic about the fact that she doesn’t know anything about him or his music but he finds that cute somehow. He doesn’t tell her how many times he’s watched certain performances of hers on YouTube because it’s slightly creepy and also he has the real thing now and that’s so much better anyway.

They’re lying in his bed one afternoon when he finally tells her, puts it all out there. “You’re amazing, y’know.”

Laughing, she curls up against him, resting a palm over his racing heart (and man, he could get used to this). “For a mother of three in her mid-forties,” she says with a slightly mocking note in her voice and even though he knows she knows she’s hot, it’s so much more than to him. The sex is fantastic, everything he could’ve wanted, but he can’t see how this sneaking around can go on indefinitely. Whether it does or not, though, she deserves to know what he thinks of her.

“For anything,” he says, brushing a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. She’s started wearing less make-up when she comes over at night and it makes him think about too much. She’s not ready and he probably isn’t either, if he’s honest with himself. “I reckon you don’t realize how great you are, Gwen.” She ducks her head at the compliment and he forces her to look right at him. “Seriously. I wouldn’t lie to ya, you know that.”

“I know,” she admits and that she CAN say that and mean it is something of a miracle considering the shit Gavin apparently put her through, he thinks.

“I honor you. I respect you. I think you’re frigging stunning and a great mother and a perfect lover and you have so much damned goodness and light in you, y’know.”

She touches his face, her fingers gentle against his cheek and gentler still when they trace his lips. Blake thinks that maybe he’s falling.

 

**_She’s Caring Too Much_ **

 

It wasn’t meant to be like this; it hadn’t been the main or even the contingency plan. She definitely hadn’t started having sex with Blake as some kind of fucked up revenge on Gavin, but she also had thought it would be a fairly simple getting-it-out-my-system type of thing, a balm to the soul, a way to reclaim her confidence. Instead, she’s sitting at home alone on a Friday night with fingers just itching to call his number and beg him to come over. She knows he can be (and would, if she asked) here in minutes and that scares her, too.

The house is so empty and quiet without the boys and yet that’s not why she wants him here, either. It’s not loneliness but need and that’s terrifying.

The phone lights up and she feels that flicker of excitement when she sees his name. Christ almighty. They’ve been Facetiming a lot lately, texting too, have even had one quickly aborted attempt at sexting which had deteriorated into Blake sending her pictures of his dick on various increasingly-ridiculous household objects. She’d kept those.

“Gwen,” he says, giving her a quick wave and quirking an eyebrow when she gives him the finger in return. He’s an absolute dork and maybe she likes him because of that as much as she likes that he knows exactly how she likes being touched.

“Mr. Shelton,” she acknowledges, getting comfortable on the couch and letting the blanket drop slightly. A cleavage shot was never a bad thing. Apparently he agrees because she sees him lean closer. “Eyes up, buddy,” she chides, making sure to tug the shirt down further so there’s more lacy bra in his vision than actual outer clothing. Men are easy and Blake’s no exception, happily.

“I’m coming.”

“Over?”

“Fuck off, woman. Why aren’t you _here_?” he whines, and the worst thing is that she’s totally susceptible to his puppy dog expression and he knows it. “I misssssssss you,” he continues and while it’s adorably playful, it’s also too much of a reflection of how she feels right now and she both wants to reach out and grab him and just turn the phone off for the rest of her life.

“Miss you too,” she admits, slurring the words together like maybe he won’t hear her properly if she does that. He’s grinning, though, looking stupidly happy and god, one of them is going to get their heart broken someday soon.

Knowing her luck, it’ll probably be her.

 

**_He’s Waiting_ **

 

One day he decides that Apollo Rossdale is the cutest kid in the world and tells his mama so. They’ve been Facetiming for an hour now and Gwen is looking adorably sleepy and worn-out, curled up in her pajamas in bed. She’s not wearing any make-up and it’s not something he’s going to bring up in conversation but it also gives him something he thinks might be hope.

Her youngest boy is clambering all over, grabbing a piece of hair here, grabbing a sheet there. It exposes some of his lover’s stomach and he certainly has no complaints about that, even if it makes her blush a little. When Apollo looks right into the camera and waves and says hi (he thinks), though? Maybe he blushes too.

Gwen claps her hands when he does that, delighted, and he’s suddenly hit with the need to catch a private jet and join her. It’s strange, the way her absence has hit him so hard this time. He thinks his buddies would say it’s just because he’s missing the sex but it’s really not. As hot as she is and as great they are at making love, he misses the casual touches just as much. Lately, that’s been happening more – a hand on his lower back, their fingers entwined as they watch TV, the way she almost burrows into his neck when she gets sleepy.

“Apparently you just make the best babies, Gwen,” he says, keeping the tone light because god knows, they’re in a delicate, precarious place right now even if she hasn’t realized it yet. They’re on the edge of something great and he’s pretty sure she’s not ready to take a leap or even a tiny little jump. So they’ll handle it step by step, if God wills it. “He is just _preciou_ s.”

Maybe she sees something in his face that he’s been trying to hide because she freezes a little, and a few minutes later she’s making her excuses and hanging up. It’s frustrating but not unexpected.

He gets a text later that afternoon, a photo of Apollo in his brand new cowboy bib, simply captioned, ‘He has a new hero.’ Maybe that’s when he falls in love with Gwen.

 

**_She’s Running_ **

 

She’s not sure whether you can ‘break up’ when you’ve never even officially dated someone, but that’s sure what it feels like the day she tells him they’re done. It had been a good day, quiet and relaxing, and she’d felt like more than herself than she had in years. One thing she’s realized lately is that the parts of her personality Blake likes best are the ones that had been a turn-off to Gavin, that she’d learned to quiet down and that had almost disappeared together.

“Sweetheart,” he groans into her arm, face smooshed into her in a way that’s probably uncomfortable as hell. He’s been clingy the last few days and it’s as endearing as it is frightening. “Please stay tonight,” he says and he’s been asking that more lately. She’s been agreeing more too. It’s just so easy, really, falling into a new routine with him.

She’s learned that he’s not as tidy as Gavin but that his lack of fastidiousness and grooming means they have more time in the morning and (THANK GOD) shower sex ends in orgasms for both of them and not just him.

She’s found out that he snores a tiny bit when he sleeps but that it’s actually kinda cute and not annoying. He apologizes though when she tells him, and she tells him it’s okay, that she has a lot of much more annoying habits than that.

She’s even discovered that he enjoys making her breakfast, takes pride in making sure everything is just right. And it always is.

And so she ends it. The moment he turns to her, suggest that maybe they can go on a date sometime (“you know, properly”) panic flares in her and she shoves him away. She tells him she can’t do this anymore, that she’s not ready, that this isn’t what she wants. Blake looks confused at first but mostly just a whole lot of hurt. Apologizing for his presumption (and she wants to hit him hard when he says that because no, no, no, he did nothing wrong; she’s the fucked up one here), he takes his jacket and leaves, forgetting to take the picture Zuma had drawn for him earlier in the day, which she’d made him promise to hang up on his fridge door.

He doesn’t come back for it the next day, and so she stuffs it in her bottom drawer and lies to her child. She hates Blake for that but she can’t blame him either.

 

**_He’s Ready_ **

 

After three long ass conversations on Facetime, a solid hundred or so text messages, and desperate, slightly awkward sex against her bedroom door, they decide to try again. He resists the urge to call her on her cowardice and she doesn’t force him to apologize for his rudeness a week earlier. Whatever they have (and he knows it’s something precious, knows it as much as he knows anything to be true in this world) isn’t worth ruining for the sake of making a point, and it’s not like he doesn’t understand where she’s coming from.

Gwen’s always been extremely open about her past relationships, about where things went wrong and how she felt when Gavin had said certain things, acted certain ways. Just because she can’t be as open about _them_ doesn’t mean it’s not something she doesn’t think about, that she doesn’t want. He’s taken to setting his alarm in the morning, enjoying that extra half hour before Gwen wakes up in the sunlight. He truly sees her then, sees the way she smiles into his shoulder, the way she slings a leg right over his like he belongs to her (he does), and reaches for him when he moves away.

“Babe,” he whispers as it gets close to nine, kissing her bare shoulder and nudging her gently, laughing when she groans and rolls over. Neither of them usually sleep-in late in the morning, but he knows Gwen’s getting the boys after school today and he desperately wants to sort out a few things first. He’s nervous as hell, and knows there’s a chance that this could go as badly as bad can get. But it’s a risk he’s ready to take after this last week without her. It can’t be worse than that, the knowing how much potential they have and seeing that chance disappear day by day.

“Hrrrrmph,” she replies and casually drops a kiss to his chest before patting it absent-mindedly. It’s this he wants, this woman and the way she’s so tactile and so generous and so damned soft in spirit and big in heart. “Whatcha waking me up for?”

Blake takes a deep breath and kisses her, ignoring the way she scrunches up her face when she realizes he still has terrible morning breath. “Just wanted to tell you that I’m madly love with ya.” He kisses her again, trying to calm down his racing heart and not to overanalyze the emotions flitting across his lover’s face. “Got it pretty bad, y’know,” he admits softly, and maybe she needs him to be vulnerable first. He can do that for her.

 

**_And She Wants To Be_ **

 

She cries, and that’s probably not the best reaction in the world to have when the man you’re in love admits the same to you, but that’s her and if he wants her, he can take the tears. He does too, grinning at her and grabbing a box of tissues from next to her bed. Gwen lets him tend to her and then finds herself burying her head in her pillow, holding it tightly as she shakes. His big hands rub circles on her back and eventually she turns back over, knowing she looks a state. If this doesn’t scare him off, if the kids and the distrust and the neediness don’t scare him off, maybe, just maybe…

He hugs her then and it reminds her of the day they met, how it felt right and good and like God had sent this man into her life to make it better and happier. Blake doesn’t push her for a response, doesn’t interrogate or question or appear frustrated. He must be, she knows that. He’s a good, good man but he’s not perfect.

Clearing her throat, she tries. “I know.”

He’s crying then, laughter and maybe some happiness too, she thinks. “I’m pretty obvious,” he admits, shrugging. “Don’t mind so much. Gwen, truly. I love you, I mean. I know it’s a pretty weird thing, us two, but it can _so_ work.” He’s brave, her man is, and she admires that about him. She’s brave too, sometimes, but she’s felt like a coward in this relationship. One step forward, two back all the way. She’s just been so scared and she wishes she could blame it all on Gavin but maybe some of it is just her, the way that she can be too needy and too scattered.

“I love you too,” she says then, and maybe it’s more of a whispered question than a confident statement, but his eyes light up and he’s crying for real then and she is too, and she thinks maybe he’s right. Maybe they’ll make it work.

She wants to try.


End file.
